The Search Concluded

It has been a fairly long time I haven’t updated status of our story of search for a place to live in. Let me begin with the current status and then go into a flashback. We’ve been able to locate a place, which has everything we’d wanted. The land purchase is also done and we are in the process of constructing our house. It has indeed been a huge milestone given the uncertainty we’ve been into for almost a year. Looking back, it has been an exciting and adventurous journey. But while we were in it, there were times we felt frustrated, angry and scared. To those watching us, we would have surely appeared foolish to have got ourselves into such a position, when we were living a convenient and comfortable life in Mumbai. I don’t know what lies ahead, but the conclusion of this search does mark the ‘end’ of a story. Happy ending, it seems like.

I’ll pick the flashback from option # 8, we were exploring – Gudalur. It’s a picture perfect place. Adjoining a huge tiger reserve, close to a beautiful hill station (Ooty), good rainfall, habited by a sizable number of people with background similar to ours (urban, qualified, out of rat race, socially conscious, etc.) There is a school too, which is unlike mainstream schools. Siddharth even attended the school and enjoyed going there. I had an opportunity to apply my professional abilities working on a bank for the tribals. Rekha had enough number of people for company. Gudalur is a semi-urban place and en-route a major tourist destination. It offers all the essential urban conveniences as well. We rented a house and made ourselves independent and convenient. As I said, it is a picture perfect place.

Soon, however, we realized that this perfection in the picture has something amiss. This place doesn’t have sufficient sunlight. During the rainy months, there are days on end, when there is light, but no sun to be seen. The dampness fills everything in the house with fungus and I get severely allergic to this weather. We could never get ourselves to buy land there given the prices. Any land, whether close to the town or away had the risk of elephants barging into the fields or a leopard attacking domestic animals. I did not speak the local language. I could not strike a conversation or understand the locals first hand. While there was urban, educated company, we found that their children were being raised in a protected environment and with almost every city-like convenience. Desi cows are not to be found there. In about a couple of months, we felt fairly sure that we did not want to settle in Gudalur. The only string, which remained was the work I was doing on the bank for the tribals. But that wasn’t too much of an issue. I was sensing a possibility that work on this front may not progress in the envisaged direction and therefore I may not be required. Even if work did commence, my role was consultative, rather than executive. I can always visit there for a few days.

After spending two months in Gudalur, our thoughts began wandering to figure out our next destination. We’d explored varied places. We did not find any meaning in searching for a place through the open market. We wanted to explore places only where we’d buy land from a known source, even if it means a friend of friend. Then there were other factors. After a long time and thought, the only place, which seemed worthwhile was Barkheda. We’d built a house there. We knew the place, the people, the risks and the shortcomings. Electricity hasn’t reached there, road access is very poor, water availability is an issue, but perhaps due to these very reasons, it had the isolation we wanted. Suddenly Barkheda seemed a great option, actually the only real option.

We had a very abrupt exit from Barkheda. There was and still is a very deep sense of injustice. But right now, the need was mine and I had to initiate the talk. I did so. In a thoughtfully drafted mail, cautious not to include any sense of blame or remorse, I asked the owner of the land (the leader of the intended community) if he would consent to sell the piece of land on which we’d built our house. I felt it would be a formality. How could he refuse? We’d spent so much time, effort, money and more in building that house. That piece of land, after all, was just a fraction of his total holding there. He wasn’t even staying there. But after beating around the bush for a month, he refused to sell and offered that we enter into a long lease arrangement. This was a rude shock. Lease arrangement made absolutely no sense to me. He still wanted to retain the option of exercising his ownership. I refused politely and decided to ask other land owners in the group.

One by one, all those people, who’d welcomed us and encouraged us to live in Barkheda showed us their backs. All those I approached refused to sell land because they did not want to antagonize this leader. Paradoxically, all of them had stepped back from the initiative due to his eccentricities. All of them knew that it is unfair upon us. None of them have any plans of living there. But they chose to neither live nor let us live. We’d spent 100 times more money in building the house, but the land owner retains right to the land and they were exercising this right. They were just land-owners above anything else. How much ever I wish to, but I’m not able to forgive these spineless people. I know it doesn’t make any difference to them. I’m the only one impacted, but I still cannot forgive them.

We had no options. I decided to travel to Barkheda and look out for some one who’d be willing to sell a couple of acres of land to us. I was also to visit another friend, who also lives on his farm near Bhopal. We spoke, while I was in the train and he suggested that it will be logistically convenient to visit him first. I agreed and took a detour to visit him first and then go to Barkheda.

Life takes some unexpected but decisive turns. I visited his farm and everything seemed perfectly suited to us. There was a possibility that I could buy land from part of his family holding. I stayed there for a couple of nights. I did not even go to Barkheda. I returned and briefed Rekha about the place. All of us visited there once and everything seemed to have fallen in place. Some minor decision making and a couple of months later, we had finished the registration formalities and are now in the process of building our house.

In the backdrop of the events so far, this is a major milestone. Building a house, beginning farming activities, taking care of children, etc. do not seem to create as much anxiety as this search did. The little over two months spent here have been quite interesting. I’ll try and pen them down in subsequent posts.

The group in Barkheda (Sreejan) took very conscious decisions and all of them turned out to be unfair to us. Most of them (perhaps all) don’t care what happens to us. We’ve always been a spectacle for them. I would not like them to know how and where we are. That was the reason I was not updating the story on this blog. I’m still not sure I’m ok to put this up, but I’m doing it.

Reviewing the Life with Norms (Part III)

Let me get back to questions no. 4 and 5. I’m reproducing them here for reference. These are ones we get asked.

1.    Our children face certain risks when they grow up: One, they will find themselves too different and very difficult to identify with others. Two, they may think of themselves as inferior to others and lack the confidence. Three, they may find themselves in a helpless situation given their upbringing, even if they have to get aligned to the others.

2.    In 18 months, we’ve lost much of whatever money, relationships and enthusiasm we had and gained hardly anything substantial. At this rate, we’re neither making our life sustainable nor encouraging others to walk this path. Why not consider a U turn and get back to the city?

Both the questions are broadly about the future. One is about the children and the other about us. The question about children is quite a big one. I don’t know anyone till date who has been largely aligned at all times with our perspective regarding children’s education. Our perspective is not similar even to other people who’ve decided to home-school their children. I am not detailing our perspective here. That is not the question. The question is ‘Why are you experimenting with something so critical?’ But this question has been answered earlier too. So the real question is not a question really. It is rhetoric. It stems out of acute fear.

Fear restrains one from experimenting. We are experimenting, but we’re unable to deal with everybody’s fear.

As I’ve mentioned in my last post, our new life has been a fantastic journey for Siddharth and Shreya. During the last one and half years, there has not been a single instance, when I’ve doubted the correctness of this decision for children. In fact, I’m far more convinced that this move has been absolutely correct for them.

This does not mean that there are no concerns, no anxieties. But, these anxieties keep us on our toes. In many ways, we’re reinventing the wheel of upbringing or education. But there is no choice. The price we and our children will have to pay is that we are and will be too different and difficult to identify with others. We don’t know what lies in store in the future. So, hoont ghuma, seeti baja, seeti bajake bol bhaiyya all izz well!

I’m quite certain that I’ve tried and addressed all the concerns to the best of my abilities – this time and also earlier. It’s time I move on beyond concerns and anxieties.

I’m very happy we walked this path. Perhaps this happiness has not been fully visible to others yet. 

Reviewing Life with Norms (Part II)

My last post on the subject was primarily answering certain concerns. As it happens, concern statements tend to focus on darkness in life and overlook the light. They also assume that there was (or is) an option to choose an alternative course. I’d like to elaborate on these two aspects today.

Often, I find myself speechless when someone raises concerns; speechless because I don’t know where to begin answering. The two of us are on opposite ends of the stick. He/She’s talking from the standpoint of showing me the dark spots in my life and I want to talk him or her into joining me.

Let’s focus on the brightness.

1.    Experimenting rather than refraining to act has done tremendous good to my self-esteem and confidence. I can imagine how stifled I would have felt had I not taken this path. It has unveiled possibilities, which I was blind to earlier.

2.    I found bandwidth (time and space) to dwell within myself rather than be trapped in webs of complexities.

3.    Turning fears into realities has revealed the magnitude and impact. When I imagine under the influence of fear, I get scared. When the imagination becomes a reality, I move out of the influence of fear and look for a way out.

4.    We’ve realized that there are so many ways to enjoy without taking a break.

5.    We learnt to value whatever we took for granted and never enjoyed their mere existence like electricity, water, food, money, parents, siblings, spouse and children.

6.    There is togetherness about what we do because our life and time is not divided into office, school and household work. There are no ‘No Entry’ zones. Had we not walked this path, we wouldn’t have been what we’re to each other now.

7.    I can’t articulate what the last 18 months have been for children. Being in conditions, where they were able to be themselves, explore firsthand, was fantastic. There’s no way we can imagine how much and what all they’d have learnt.

8.    It’s also very difficult to list what all we’ve learnt.

9.    I realized and still am how liberating simplicity is.

10. I started writing, thus knowing myself more every time I do.

11. I’m in much better shape and far more in charge of my health.

12. I’ve had the privilege of meeting so many others, who are experimenting.

There are so many more. Each of them is huge, when understood from my perspective. As a friend of mine puts it, some of us are blessed with the requisites to conduct experiments in life.

I have no doubt that I’m blessed, blessed generously. I can’t thank God enough.

Now, the aspect of the assumption that we had (and have) a choice with regard to what we do. I think whatever we do is a function of innumerable variables – some personal, some external and some circumstantial. It’s almost impossible to draw up an equation in order to forecast behavior accurately. In this sense, there couldn’t have been anything different we could have done. In other words, whatever happens is pre-ordained. This understanding is tremendously helpful to me, though I can’t imagine people agreeing. At least they’d not classify me with the irrationals, who call it destiny!

Reviewing the Life with Norms (Part I)

It’s been over 18 months since we moved out of Mumbai. Though 18 months is not a very long time in a lifetime, these have easily been most eventful ones for all of us so far. 

As of today, we have put ourselves up in a rented house in Gudalur. I’m engaging with an organization, which has worked for the Adivasis of the Nilgiris for the last 3 decades. My work here will not require me to stay here. I can perform my role by visiting here once in a few months. (I’ve chosen not to take any remuneration for my involvement.) In the meanwhile, we explored the option of living somewhere here. For various reasons, we would not like to settle here. After reviewing all the options explored so far, we are convinced that we liked living in Barkheda the most. We’d like to go back. We’ll have to start from the scratch on a new piece of land, without the support of any organization like Sreejan. Any work in this direction can start only after the rainy season. So, for the next two months, there’s nothing much to do.

To review the 18 months, let me answer some questions before us. Some we ask ourselves, some, others ask us. Some questions others ask are rhetorical. For example, “Don’t you think you made a mistake?”

I’ll begin with questions we ask ourselves. These concern actions and decisions rather than being purely academic. So, they are more important.

1.    We’ve managed to lose far too many friends and gain too few.  Many existing relationships just dried out and died – almost all college friends, almost all office colleagues and most of the relatives. We made many new friends as we moved along, but the life of these friendships was too short. Unlike others, we’re not able to maintain a connection with people, infact, we feel we’re in bad books of people. We too put some in our bad books. Both, Rekha and I, are pathetic on this aspect and we’re not getting any better. So, with relationship management ability on the liability side of the balance sheet, how do we plan to move ahead in a lifestyle, which seems to require the ability?

2.    It has come to light on a number of occasions that there are differences between Rekha and I. Her sense of what is correct / just / fair, her willingness and its extent to forego what our earlier lifestyle offered, her convictions are all largely similar, but not the same as mine. Managing these differences is quite tough, especially when decisions do not follow a ‘generally accepted’ norm. Am I morally and materially forcing my decisions on her? The same question is applicable for children as well.

3.    The approach to feed out of past earning and talk about sustainability seems hypocritical and escapist. How do we justify it? How long should this continue? Is giving up something you want because you cannot afford it not dodging happiness under the garb of simplicity?

4.    Our children face certain risks when they grow up: One, they will find themselves too different and very difficult to identify with others. Two, they may think of themselves as inferior to others and lack the confidence. Three, they may find themselves in a helpless situation given their upbringing, even if they have to get aligned to the others.

5.    In 18 months, we’ve lost much of whatever money, relationships and enthusiasm we had and gained hardly anything substantial. At this rate, we’re neither making our life sustainable nor encouraging others to walk this path. Why not consider a U turn and get back to the city?

Answers: These are only mine. Rekha’s perspective may be very different.

1.    It has been a revelation, quite a painful one, that our ability to manage interpersonal relationships is quite pathetic. Rekha’s shortcomings are not the same as mine, but the resultant incompetence is equally bad.

Being able to manage relationships surely is a critical ability. On one hand, even if I give up the hope that I will ever be able to manage relationships, it is still not enough reason to change the course of life. On the other hand, there is no reason to give up. Working on it will surely take my individual journey forward. I also realize that every fractured relationship is a symptom. The cause is deep within. In that sense, there is no option but to work on it.

I find it difficult to articulate the progress on this front. But there is definite progress, within. I hope things will improve, but I don’t think I will ever be popular or liked by most people.

2.    My equation with Rekha has been greatly appreciated. We’re extremely fortunate to have each other as companions. Diversity in opinions, priorities, intensity of convictions is very critical for one’s individual journey. I’m thankful for this diversity. Our relationship is at a level, where each of us must realize that though we’re together, we have our own journeys to undertake. The direction may be same; the path may also be so. We may walk together, but each of us must take our decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. As of now, there is no forcing of decisions; in fact, with time, the ownership of decisions has increased. Even if I were not to be there, she would lead a similar life with children. As regards children, all parents take decisions for children of that age; we are no exception. We hope that by the age of 15, they will be able to take their own decisions.

3.    The question of making this lifestyle materially sustainable is a very crucial one. We’d never wanted to eat only out of our savings or passive income (interest or rent) forever. I’d given myself 2-3 years to generate an active income source, sufficient enough to keep us going. I still haven’t given it a deep enough thought. So, I have no idea how easy or difficult that is going to be.

I’m realizing lately that work is important not only from earning perspective. I must work, work hard and never retire from work. There are two aspects of work I would like to commit myself to. First is meeting of material needs. Second is work for the sake of work and nothing else.

Out of material needs, we aim to be 50-60% self sufficient on food requirements by the Dec 2016. Self-sufficiency means either by growing it ourselves or bartering it for whatever we’ve grown. We will meet the rest of the material requirements through passive income for another year or so.  

The second aspect of work for the sake of work is extremely important. This aspect must keep the ruthlessness of a business professional alive and growing, which is so much natural in me. I have a definite liking towards the work I’ve done. Whether I start an enterprise or be a venture capitalist or a business consultant, I’m not sure now. I’ll have a plan on this front before the end of this year. Simplicity, as I’ve stated in another blog post, does not mean just being miserly; it more about un-complicating. If there’s a want, I’m sure should be satisfied, I’ll not hold myself. It doesn’t come to me naturally to spend freely; I need to learn to.

The question pertaining to children, education and their future deserves a separate post. I’ll write on that a little later. 

The Search Story - Part IV

I pick up threads from when we moved into a rented house near Pune.

Velhe, the town we were staying in, is a likable small town. Steadily urbanizing, but retains its small town characteristics. It is a little difficult to access because of the mountainous region and probably heavy rainfall.

We began finding answers to the next steps if we were to buy land. The proposed land was the steep portion of a small hill. These are the kind of land pieces most people are working on. Water is a challenge, despite the 4000mm rainfall. There is a river and a dam about one and half km from the land, but the ground does not hold water on the surface. There may be streams below and we may get water in an open well or a bore well. But bore well is not an appropriate solution in areas of such heavy rainfall. After thinking through alternatives, we zeroed in on collecting rain water during monsoon and using it through the year. This requires a storage tank. Our estimate of water requirement during the 8 months of no rain is approx. 70-80 thousand liters. I explored some options – whether a regular brick & concrete tank, fibre, ferro-cement, looked for a contractor to do it. In the meantime, we continued wonder if we should begin work after completing the purchase of land. Official demarcation of the land was not done. So, I thought it better to get atleast the demarcation done. This, I later understood was not a straight-through process.

While I was steadily moving in this direction and also getting to understand the place better, one day, I received a call from Veena (Gudalur). She made a passing reference that if I wished and could help Accord with the project of setting up a bank for the Adivasis, I may call on them. Accord has been working with the tribals of the Nilgiris for almost 3 decades. After the initial years of struggle to reclaim their access to forests and land, the community was now fairly stable. They’d been running their own hospital and some education efforts. There was a need felt that they should have their own bank. But the domain expertise was missing.

I thought that it would be a nice opportunity to get involved in something like this. I had some correspondence over e-mail and then planned a visit to Gudalur. We had explored Gudalur as an option to settle down, because of the language unfamiliarity, few months back. But this was a different proposition. I spent a couple of days in Gudalur with Stan (who’d founded Accord with a few more people). I was swept away with the Adivasi culture of trust, pragmatism and community living during my interaction with Stan and a few tribals. A bank based on their culture would be a phenomenal institution. I was excited about working on this project. It was not about a bank – it was about an economic system.

Back in Velhe, Rekha and I realized that this was a ‘larger than life’ work opportunity. We were anyway in a situation, where we could put on hold other things and start working on this. Gudalur had the people and the atmosphere, which was comfortable for the entire family. It seemed a great idea to let everything wait for some time and shift base to Gudalur.

A few days of thought, some reassurance from friends at Gudalur and there we were, on a 1000 km drive from Pune to Gudalur, house packed in the car!

It’s been about 3 weeks in Gudalur. We’ve managed to locate a house, we should move in couple of days later. I began some initial work on the bank project. There are many people here we’ve become friends with. Kids also have some company. There is a possibility of them attending a school run by the same set of people.

The question of permanent settlement is still elusive. There are reasons why this place may not be it. What is important and urgent at this stage is that we live at one place for at least one year. All of us are quite tired of shifting bases. Within the limitations, we would like to do some farming and if possible rear a couple of cows. All the decisions are wide open. It’s becoming a filmy story!!!

I plan to start a separate blog about my experiences of working with the tribals. 

The Search Story (Part III)

Option 7 : Gudalur

Dr Sunil was out of town, but he told us that his wife Veena would be home and will be happy to help us. We reached Gudalur after an extended bus travel. Veena received us as though we were immediate family members. We’ve encounter so much kindness during our search from first encounters that it’s truly humbling.

We’d intended staying there for a day or so and ended up spending 3 days with Veena. We’re yet to meet Dr Sunil. Hope to meet him sooner than later. It was, nevertheless, a memorable stay for us as well as the kids.

The land option there was quite nice. Macro factors were all fine. The area was frequented by elephants from the adjoining forest (Madhumalai Tiger Reserve). That was one concern, but probably manageable. We liked the place overall and decided to search for a house on rent. We didn’t find an option during the days we were there and returned to Hulekal with intent to return once we find something within the next week or so.

The thinking began at Hulekal again. As I imagined about getting started with work on the land, I was a little concerned about the fact that I would not be able to talk with the people around and the labour who’d come to help us. I don’t speak Tamil. That would surely make it difficult to build a rapport, though over a period of time, we’d be able to communicate. But communicating without talking would not be enough. I’d like to understand what they think, know more about their lifestyle and learn from it.

As I pondered over deeply and spoke with Rekha, we were convinced that Maharashtra or a hindi speaking belt would only suit us. Even during my Satara stay, I felt very much at home talking to locals in Marathi. Then another factor crept in, which we’d ignored thus far. Given the age of our parents, it would be preferred if we’re in reasonable proximity.

Though no one factor was sufficient, together, it seemed better to explore Maharashtra; more particularly around Pune, Satara and Nasik.

We thought over it for a day or so and when the thought and feeling had settled, decided to take this course. We called Veena and informed her of our latest thought process, lest she should go through the trouble of finding a place on rent for us. She appeared a little sad that we’d decided not to choose Gudalur. We could relate to it, but couldn’t think of an option.

I called Reena. She had purchased a 3 acre plot of land near Pune. I asked her if she’d be open to selling an acre to us. She was inclined. We got a decent starting point to our search.

We shared our intention with Vinish and Karuna that we’d like to shift our base to somewhere close to Pune or Mumbai. We’d been based in Hulekal for almost a month. The couple may think that they’d not done anything out of the way. They’d anyway rented the house and no one had been occupying it before they invited us to stay there. But we know that the gesture is uncommon and we truly feel grateful to this family.

We packed the car with our kitchen and bedroom utilities and began the drive from Hulekal to Pune.

Option 8: Velhe

Velhe is a small town about 55 km from Pune. Reena purchased the 3 acre plot on the outskirts of a village in this town few years back.

We parked ourselves with a cousin of mine, who owns a large 3 bedroom flat in Pune. Just the couple of them stay there. We off-loaded our luggage in one of his bedrooms and told him that we’d like to be parked in his house for a few days till we’re able to identify something worthwhile.

After visiting the place, we liked it and decided to live in Velhe for a few days before we move ahead. Fortunately, we found a house on rent quickly and shifted to this place about 10 days back. The initial exploration is quite encouraging and if all goes well, we might be staying in our own new house before the end of summer 2014.

The flashback is over, but the story continues!

The Search Story (Part II)

Option 5 : Satara (Contd.)

One of my father’s cousin had been based in Satara for a few decades. His two sons stay there along with their mother, wives and children. Umesh bhaiyya (my elder cousin) was quite interested in our change in lifestyle and suggested to us that we explore the area around Satara. He took us around the area twice. I liked the area very much. Almost everything was picture perfect in terms of macro factors. The language familiarity was very comforting. Sahyadri Hills all around, ample sunlight, ample rain, dams between mountains making water available, fertile soil, very pleasant climate throughout the year, reasonably equipped with electricity and road access. Also, the area is far less urbanized than Pune (110 km north) or Kolhapur (100 km south). The reason as I understand is that the king of the area (supposed to be the 13^th generation in Shivaji’s lineage) was an active administrator and didn’t allow much ‘development’ and also offered protection to the area. Another factor, which I felt good about was that the area was home to Swami Ramdas, Shivaji’s spiritual guru and the followers of his teachings are very active around there. It’s kind of an ‘enlightened’ area. For me, it quickly became the area of first choice.

However, Rekha was not as excited about the area, for no reason at all. She couldn’t explain it to me. I got bugged with her stance. I had all the logical and illogical factors to be positively inclined and she had none, but she wasn’t inclined. I took her to see the place again another day. She liked the place, but I could not sense the excitement I was hoping to.

In any case, we did not have a concrete option of land we could consider buying. So, after spending 4 days in Satara, we  handed the baton to Umesh bhaiyya to spread the word and check if we get some options. As it were to happen, we have still not had any option our way (after almost 2 months).

Option 6 : Hulekal and around

On Jan 20^th, we began the last lap of our long drive plan: Satara to Hulekal. Majority of the road was an expressway. We covered the 350 odd km in 6 hours (incl breaks). Hulekal was planned to be the place to settle in, may be for a few months if required.  So we started with other important aspects of life like discipline with food, exercise and other habits. Vinish and Karuna helped us settle and gave us the comfort and space we required. Their landlady, whose house they’d hired was also very kind and her daughters were very friendly with Rekha and the kids. In every sense of the term, we started living with the families. We met a few of their friends, who soon became our friends as well. Our food and exercise regimen started to take shape steadily. We also went for a few outings around.

After a week or so, the moot question of land search raised its head again. We reviewed the option of buying land in or around Hulekal. It had many positives. Physical characteristics were well suited, but with regard to Hulekal, our positions reversed. Rekha was positively inclined and I wasn’t. I don’t have the ability to say, “I can’t explain why, but we cannot choose this place.” After all, there wasn’t any other option waiting for us! So both of us thought deeper and gave ourselves time to evaluate from a neutral standpoint i.e. positives were agreed, now we needed to take a hard look at the negatives as well.

This was a Kannada speaking area. There was no local person we could depend upon to help us build a rapport with the local community. But working with Hindi was possible there, given that there was a large Muslim population. But a village with communities so diverse ways of life also poses the risk of communal tension at some time. The risk is not sufficient to drop the option, but could not be completely ignored.

Hubli (a little over 100 km) was not a very likable city. Sirsi was only good enough to get essentials, not for the occasional recreation. Also, at some point, if we were required to use our professional competency, a good city within reasonable distance would be preferred.

The area received very heavy rainfall (300 inches or 3 times of Mumbai). This meant that at least 8 months are wet / humid, not very pleasant. As we thought more, this was perhaps the reason why this area was scarcely populated.

Land prices were not very low, possibly because it was suitable for Arecanut, coconut and banana plantations. Road access shot up prices further. Most of the land was mountainous, which meant higher expenses for development. Labour availability was not very easy given the scarce population.

Lastly, we did not have any proposal for buying land. Identifying land through brokers, doing the necessary due diligence to make sure we’re not being cheated appeared a daunting and time consuming task. Besides, even if we were to find one, we could not take a final decision before we see through one monsoon. The whole process will take quite some time –least one year. One year before we can get our cows, build our house and get on with life! We should explore an option in hand rather than wait for the ‘best’ option.

After 10 days of stay, both of us were almost certain that Hulekal or around is not an option. As we thought more, Mysore seemed to be the most appropriate option. I contacted them and got to understand that the group is meeting on Feb 2.

It was finalized then. Mysore seemed to be a very good option from all perspectives. We’ll need to learn Kanadda, but that should not be an issue. The price of the land also wouldn’t be high because they wanted to sell the land at a lower price to encourage people like us. I planned to spend a couple of days extra in Mysore to be able to find a house on rent. We would shift to Mysore and live in the city. It will give us the opportunity to experience living there while we buy land, build a house etc.

I went to Mysore (alone) and met up with all the group members and also spent a couple of days as planned. I couldn’t decide on the house on rent. I planned to return to Hulekal to come back with Rekha and the kids. Together we could search for a house on rent.

The Mysore Option : Round 2

Something amusing started happening in Mysore. The evening before I was to leave for Hulekal, I received a call from the member of the group I was to purchase the land from. They said that I need to hurry with the registration. I insisted that we would like to spend a couple of months in the city before we get into any registration formalities. They agreed, reluctantly though. I’m skipping other details here but I sensed that there was quite a lot of fear / lack of trust given that we were ‘outsiders’ to the group.

When I discussed this with Rekha, we created space for the possibility that this option may not work out. But it still made sense to park ourselves in Mysore for a few months. We could either build confidence amongst the same group of people or explore other options.

We went to Mysore with the kids and stayed with Berty. Berty was known to the group for a few years, but he had purchased land from them and so was in the same boat as us. But we felt a little unwelcome there. Something had transpired in two days. We were indirectly informed that the group had decided not to sell the land to us unless we agree to do the registration immediately. It was a very odd situation. We left quite abruptly after staying only for a day. We were stranded. The only option we’d been banking on was no longer there and we were back to square one. Moreover, we were dependent on Berty for developing any rapport with local community. But that seemed quite unlikely now.

We took an early morning train to return from Mysore. We’d almost reached Hasan (60-70 km) when Rekha asked if we could go to Gudalur. Rajinder (one of the land owners at Barkheda) had purchased a 2 acre land in Gudalur few years back. He had invited us to have a look and see if we’d like to purchase it from him. I told Rekha that we were headed in the opposite direction. If we want to go to Gudalur, we need to get off the train and go back to Mysore. We called Dr Sunil and checked if it is ok for us to visit him in Gudalur. The train had just reached Hasan; we quickly grabbed our luggage and de-boarded the train.

The Search Story (Part I)

We started with our search for a new place to live in the moment we came to a conclusion that we need to do so. Though there was no pressing reason to move out, there was no point in delaying the process. Co-incidentally, Shashi had decided to visit us for a few hours. On learning our intention to re-locate, he suggested that we might consider Mysore. He knew of a group of people, who’d tried and given up on a community building effort and would like to sell land to people, who’d like to live by similar principles. There was no direct train to Mysore. So, we decided to get started and planned to begin our search at Palakkad and travel north to Mysore.

Option 1: Palakkad

On Dec 9, 2013, we reached Palakkad. Last time we visited the place few years back, it looked like a culturally rich, slow paced town with the useful urban amenities. This time, we started with a feeling that we should be lucky to find a decent option here. We lived with Rekha’s relatives, who were curiously watching our moves and were very kind to us. Nandan, based in Palakkad was introduced to my blog by another friend. He came forward to guide us through Palakkad. He spent good 2 days with us and our first interaction with him seemed like we’d been friends for years.

Palakkad, we realized, was too urbanized for our liking, far too hot even in the winter month and market prices of land were much higher than what we were ok with. A group of friends had purchased a 21 acre plot with the idea of ‘living in harmony with nature’, but could not work on it beyond 2 years for various reasons. They could have agreed to sell a small part of the land to us at a discount (to the market price). But after the Barkheda experience, we learnt that a discount is an illusion. In exchange for the discount, we’d have to probably live their idea of ‘in harmony with nature’.

Taking Nandan’s suggestion, we decided to explore Wayanad. It was supposed to be endowed with more fertile soil, better climate and lower prices.

Option 2 : Wayanad

We took a train to Calicut and then a bus to Mananthvady (in Wayanad district). During the drive itself, we were amazed at the level of ‘development’ in Kerala. There are no open areas in between towns here! Wayanad, which is supposed to be a hill station, is as commercially developed as a large town. Nandan had referred us to Roy in Wayanad. Roy was so helpful and courteous. He showed us around the place, we visited the land he’d purchased a year back and spent good time discussing a numerous issues of common interest. We could not bring ourselves to choose Wayanad as our place of stay given the level and the reach of commercialization; also the land prices high (though lower than Palakkad).

This visit closed Kerala as an option given the development in the state. But the visit was worth it because of new friends made in Nandan, Roy and a couple of more people of common interest.

Option 3 : Mysore

Wayanad to Mysore was a nice, brief bus journey through a forest. We reached there at about 8 in the evening. Mysore is a pleasant city as compared to others. There are areas, especially a little away from the hub, which are spaced out, where one can breathe. We were hosted by Guru and family, quite warmly, though they were less conversant in Hindi and English. The following day, we visited the land they’d (the group) purchased 17-18 years back and were now planning to sell.

We quite liked to land the moment we stepped on it. Along with Guru and his wife, Berty had also come with us. Berty had purchased 2 acres land from the group recently. Another 2 acres was purchased by a friend of his – Sanjeev. Both of them had plans of agro-forestry in the area.

We would have liked to discuss the details, but Guru did not seem inclined to reveal much about the plans of the group, the price, etc. He said that the group will have to take a decision together and he will let us know later. We’d liked the option. However, there were two distinct areas of concern. One was that the rainfall was a little less than what we’d have liked. Secondly, this was a failed community effort. Two couples had stayed on the land for 5 years before they’d decided to move elsewhere. 5 years is a long time! The relationship with at least one couple was quite strained and this was the couple, which was being blamed for the failed effort. This made us a little uncomfortable. But we felt that we should give ourselves the time to understand the dynamics better. After all, we didn’t have many options.

Since there was nothing conclusive being taken up, we decided to return from Mysore. But before we left, some friends of Guru showed tremendous interest in meeting us and showing us a farm, which they’d developed. This was a 4 acre farm, where they’d built two eco-houses, couple of tree houses, a nice and big farm of vegetables and fruits. Quite a beautiful place! We were amazed that 6 families could stick together for such a long time and develop something. The saddest part, however, was that not a single family was staying there. They were struggling to find a care taker for the farm. We felt, they might have tried to lure us to live there, but we were clear that we would not stay in a place, which we don’t own. Besides, water was a problem there. Bore wells in that area had also dried up.

On Dec 15, we left from Mysore to Mumbai. The kids had been waiting for us for 8 days.

Mumbai – the base by default

Back in Mumbai, we were still without any concrete option. We had planned to return to Barkheda on Dec 19, tickets were booked. We spent the three days with family. No call from Mysore during these days, which meant the option of Mysore was still not open.

We had not been positive about staying in my native place in Vidarbha. But with no option in hand, we felt it incorrect that we should reject this option without exploring it. Afterall, the place offered a sense of security. There might be a possibility of interference from relatives, but we felt quite adept at managing this risk. More importantly, Rekha was quite inclined that we should explore this option. So, on Dec 19, instead of returning to Barkheda, I booked a ticket for Amravati. I’d travel there, while Rekha and kids stayed in Mumbai.

Option 4: Vidarbha

The family of my father’s sister had been a farmer’s family for a few generations and owned land. I decided to begin my search from there. I spent two days with a cousin, with whom I hadn’t conversed for even 5 minutes in so many years. It felt nice. We saw the land options there.

I visited other places as well. I was visiting there after years. It was a multi-purpose visit. The land options I saw there were quite good, purely from the farming perspective. But the area is very fast developing. Land prices are shooting up, agricultural land is being converted to residential land at a brisk pace. Urbanisation was accepted as the undisputed route to progress.

The interactions there renewed my relationship with my own relatives – my individual relationship, without being the son of so and so. I spent close to a week there. The two options of land, which I had seen were not too great. Some relatives said that they will look out for options and get back. Market price of land was higher than what I’d have liked to and there weren’t any options to choose from.

On the whole I returned with mixed feelings. Not very excited, but open if something comes up.

Back in Mumbai

Nothing much to do, we found ourselves back in Mumbai. We didn’t like staying there much. Kids were watching TV for most part of the day, the schedule for the day had almost gone for a toss, eating habits disturbed and no one to meet up with. We wanted to go back to Barkheda, kids wanted to even more than us. But tickets were not available before Jan 9, 2014. Shashi, during his visit to Barkheda, had told us a little about Vinish, who stays in a village near Hubli and that we must meet him. We thought that instead of dragging along here, let us visit him…who knows what turn awaits us!

Hulekal (Hubli)

On Jan 1, we reached Hulekal, a village about 3 hours south of Hubli. Vinish and Karuna welcomed us very warmly and almost instantaneously, the families got along quite well. Their 4 yr old son was happy to play with Siddharth and Shreya. We stayed there for 2 days. They’ve rented a separate house to be able to host guests and friends, who visit them.

It was a nice, short and sweet visit. Vinish mentioned that they’ve been staying in Hulekal for 3 years and are now quite happy to stay there. They would also like to stay on land and are planning to begin the land search soon. Hulekal is a nice place. Sparcely populated, basic facilities available, it rains very heavily, dug wells are common and land should not be very expensive. Sirsi, a town 13 km away could provide us with the necessary occasional shopping.

Solapur & Pandharpur : Jan 4,5,6

Instead of taking a direct train from Hubli to Mumbai, we decided to break the journey at Solapur, my childhood town I hadn’t visited since 1994. It was a long overdue visit and the journey break made it possible for us to travel second class and save the cost and inconvenience of AC travel.

Barkheda

On Jan 10, we reached Barkheda as planned. Uncertain and confused about what to do next! This Barkheda visit was more for nostalgic value and also because we were longing to stay on our own. But within 2 days, we felt that it makes no sense base ourselves in Barkheda. We were not interested in exploring MP. South India seemed a better option. Travelling to and fro from Barkheda will be both very expensive and inconvenient. We could not do any farming given our uncertain stay.

Instead of making Mumbai our base, we thought it better to make Hulekal the base. There was a separate house to stay in temporarily, it would be closer to the places we’d like to explore and it will be possible for Rekha to stay with kids for a few days if I need to travel. Most importantly, we could get back to some disciplined lifestyle. We could also explore land options in and around Hulekal. We didn’t know how long this phase will last. We would also require our own household stuff to live separately, also the car. So, we packed enough household goods in the car, so that we can live comfortably for a few months and on Jan 13, began our 1300+ km long drive from Barkheda to Hulekal.

The long drive plan

I’d driven 750 km from Mumbai to Barkheda a year back, which was the longest stretch. This time it was much more. We started off after breakfast. The plan was to halt at Indore (200 km) on day 1, Nasik (600+) on day 2, Satara (950+) on day 3 and Hulekal (1300+) on day 4. We had relatives at all the locations. The halt would make it possible for us to catch up with them afresh.

Option 5 : Satara

The drive went as planned till the end of day 3. We reached Satara on the evening of Jan 15. I had it in mind that the area near Mahableshwar was quite nice and we should explore this area if possible. My cousin in Satara was in sync with this notion. He said that this part of the state was the best place for people like us. Climatically very pleasant, adequate rainfall, good soil, endowed with scenic beauty, not much urbanization and reasonable land prices. We decided to extend our stay there and check out options there.

Why do we want to move out of Barkheda (Sreejan)?

Sreejan was an idea of an intentional community. The common intention simply put can be ‘living in harmony with nature’. There was sufficient land, money and expertise to begin with. With our coming in about a year back, the community started off. We were welcomed, appreciated and encouraged since we were the only family willing to live in.

As time passed, we realized that a person with an only an idea (of living in harmony with nature) is vastly different from a person who is actually living the idea. The person with only ideas has a number of ideas and theories & models to implement the ideas. Ideas about sustainability, organic farming, non-exploitation, zero carbon footprint, eco-friendly construction, food miles and so on and so forth. He gets very excited with any news on these subjects, newer ways of communicating the same concepts, new people (whom he calls like-minded) and he wastes no time in sharing the excitement over e-mail, in workshops and in discussions. He almost always has a lot to discuss and share. In almost all cases, he has plans to live the ideas after 4-5 years or he has reasons why he cannot live them now. For eg. Wife does not agree or he has to wait till he’s fulfilled his responsibility towards his children, or he has started to move in the direction, but a sudden shift may be unadvisable, etc.  This person is a true believer in the idea, but also believes that it is very difficult to execute the idea.

Essentially, there were three persons (of whom one was a couple) apart from the two of us, who were invested in Sreejan. It would be incorrect to call them (founders of Sreejan) people with only ideas. They had taken action, but their action was aimed at someone else living their ideas. Since we were the only resident of the community, we realized that we were looked upon to live their ideas.

It was a triangular relationship. In our relationship with the couple, we sensed that they might have thought that we’re morally obligated to live their ideas, since they had taken the action of making the basic infrastructure available. Also, they were owners of the land. I’d opted not to buy land because there was over 100 acre land available and no one to live in it. Adding my one acre would not have made any material difference to the community and money would have only got wasted. Instead, I donated Rs. one lac to the society. Despite this, I could sense that the relationship was tilted. We were probably seen as beneficiaries, thereby making us morally obligated to reciprocate. Though it wasn’t explicitly stated, we could sense this in a few interactions. We warded off the expectations, which may have annoyed them. Not because we were not interested in the activities, but because we could sense a complete dissonance in the ideas and the actions. People managing common resources of Sreejan were expected to be personal servants, serving them water and tea, cooking food for them, house-keeping their rooms. Most people had to bear with their ill-temper. They were very kind to us and helped us in a big way getting settled. But we found it difficult to subordinate our living to their ideas & expectations.

The other relationship involved a better understanding of our idea of living at Barkheda. But the shelf life of the ideas was too short. This resulted in a complete dissonance between theory and practice. When we first interacted with him, he said that decision making or governance model in Sreejan will be based on the level of consciousness of people rather than a democracy, consensus or strength of voice/logic. We were told that it was agreed that the level of consciousness of a person, who lives on the land is higher than one not living on the land. Quite a remarkable theory! But, during one interaction, we found ourselves begging against a decision, which would threaten access to life essentials like water and electricity. We were the only family living on the land and the decision taken was not in our favour. It is amusing to notice how easily people walk against their own talk. Castles of ideas can be built to dizzying heights.

Another instance of a castle of idea: With some fantastic display of commitment, some land-owners agreed to contribute their land to Sreejan. It was agreed that this understanding does not need to be made legally binding since it involves unnecessary cost. The word of the owners should be sufficient. But, it did not take any thought for some of them to withdraw part of the contribution and later to dissolve Sreejan, withdraw all land contribution and leave the lone resident family stranded.

“Being brave does not mean that you go looking for trouble.” I was reminded of this dialogue from the movie Lion King. We realized that we were on shaky ground and we need to accept the fact that land ownership is critical. Buying land in Barkheda seems quite inappropriate in the wake of the circumstances and considering the availability of life essentials.

The Search for a New Place to live in (2)

It has been and is continuing to be quite an experience searching for a new place. The parameters for the decision are as under. Many of these are additions during the course of the search.

1.       Physical Characteristics of the land / region

Availability of state electricity, an identified source of water for farm use and dug well for drinking & cooking, reasonable road access, good soil fertility, equable climate, 700-2000mm annual rainfall, between half a km to 2km distance from the nearest habitation are some critical requirements.

2.       Local Community

Our priorities, our thinking, our socio-economic background is different from a typical rural community as well as a typical urban or metro community. The gap is so much that we belong to neither. There are however quite a few areas of common interest with both communities. What is needed is that we respect their diversity and earn the respect for ours. This requires that we talk their language and also listen to them. We’ll need to judge this aspect subjectively and assess our comfort level with the local community.

3.       Suitability for Learning and upbringing of children

Our children need the company of other children at least till 10 years of age. The place should have an opportunity for them to learn some art / skill in a dedicated manner (music, dance, martial arts and the like).

4.       Proximity to a ‘good’ city

The nearest city should be within an hour or two. The requirement has been added recently. The option to receive and to provide professional service and the need for urban company are the reasons for this requirement.

5.       Financial Considerations

We’ve yet not tampered with any of our capital assets and I don’t yet see the reason to do so. Purchase of land is an expense (not an investment) for me. Lower the better.

We’ve so far explored rural areas near Palakkad, Wayanad, Mysore, Hubli, Satara and Amravati. We have identified land options only at Mysore and Amravati. We don’t have any connections in the other areas to search for land. Also, they don’t score high on the parameters for selection. As of now, Mysore scores reasonably high on all parameters, though there are some disadvantages. I realized that in decision making, one can take decisions only after taking it for granted that the best option is unavailable and one has to choose the second best. The big flip side in searching for the best option is that time keeps running. 

What are we really upto?

Time and again, questions keep popping up (from within and outside) as to what are we really up to? Are we running away from city, development, people? Are we trying to prove something? Who are our ideals?

These are not very easy questions to answer and we need to keep answering them and refining our answers, more for ourselves than for others. I’m making a beginning below.

We’d like to lead a simple life. Simplicity, however, does not mean that we consume bland food, wear whites or travel third class. Simplicity does not mean compromising. Simplicity is to live without complicating life. Simplicity can be achieved and enhanced by straightforward thinking, by being conscious of the complex and vicious circles we tend to get entangled in trying to allay fears, satisfy greed, increase conveniences or feed egos.

We’ll refrain from exploiting natural resources, including human beings. Eco-friendly house, low carbon foot-print, pleasant interpersonal relationships are important, but there is no hardline fundamentalism to maintain them. Using or consuming natural resources is imperative, but we need to be conscious of not getting into the arena of exploitation.

Having fun is very important for us. There is however, a thin line between enjoyment and (sensory) pleasure and we’d like to be conscious of this line.

We’d like to move towards self sufficiency of food. It appears to be a longish journey and I’m not bent upon being completely self-sufficient in food. What I’m particular about is that we should reach a stage, where we don’t need to buy food against money. We should be able to barter excess food, which we can grow (given our ability and suitability of geography) for other items, which we can’t or would not like to.

Trading is necessary and so are norms in trading. Interdependence is inevitable and also desirable. Being dependent upon the skills and gifts of others makes me humble and grateful. This humility causes me to provide my skills to others with a sense of service. It also makes me grateful as a service provider as well. It helps me see how I can improve my service. Trading is thus a cyclical process of receiving with gratefulness and serving with humility.

Unfortunately, has become a part of our being as a race to compare our skills & gifts. The value of the skill is arrived at on the basis of scarcity of the skill / gift. A manual farm labour is valued far less than a doctor because doctors are scarce. Value is also arrived at on the basis of how badly the service is required. Consequently, a pyramid structure is created in a society. The most scarce service providers whose services are in high demand are at the top, viewed as more valuable than the rest.  This is probably the root cause of exploitation. We’d like to be conscious about this as we live interdependently. This is very much relevant for interdependence within family members.

We may end up making our life seem inconvenient. We may also end up getting inferior results than what we’d have if we were to continue with our earlier life. But we refuse to be judged or be compared with someone who isn’t living the life we are.